I'm not being racist or anything.
Our parents immigrated to the UK many years ago. They've changed in many ways, become more westernized, started to live like the gorreh, become modern, but some things just never change:-

Take the good old English cup of tea.

The English way to make tea for 1 person:-

-Fill the kettle with 1 cup of water and bring to the boil.
-Put tea bag and sugar in the mug.
-Add boiling water to the mug.
-Add milk and stir with spoon.
That's 5 minutes to make a good old English cup of tea.

The Indian way to make tea for 1 person:-

-Fill saucepan with 12 cups of water. (just in case we get guests)
-Place saucepan on the cooker and make sure the gas is at maximum.
-Add to water 2 Chamuch PG Tips tea, 12 spoons sugar, half spoon Lechia and Sornf.
-Bring water to boil (takes about 10 minutes).
-When water is boiling, turn gas to half and let it simmer for 15 minutes.
-After 15 minutes, turn gas to maximum until water is boiling again.
-When water is boiling add milk. (As were only making tea for 1 person, then 1 bottle of milk will do)
-Bring this to the boil. (takes usually 10 minutes)
-When it is boiling, turn gas to half and let is simmer for 10 minutes.
-After 10 minutes, take out metal teapot (if you use china teapot it will crack from the intense heat of the tea)
-Put large tea strainer on teapot.
-Now the tricky part. Put gas to maximum and bring tea to boil again
-When boiling turn off gas, take saucepan and pour tea into metal teapot. (Do this in the sink as volcanic activity of the tea will cause it to splash everywhere)
-Now pour tea in GLASS cups and wait half an hour for it to cool down.
That's 1 hour and 5 minutes to make a good old Indian cup of tea.

How about coffee???

English drink coffee first thing in the morning and then every hour on the hour till about 7pm. Yeah coffee keeps them awake and improves their performance at work, but is it any wonder they still don't get any work done, they waste half their day taking coffee breaks.
How do you make English coffee:-
-You boil the water, whilst placing 1 teaspoon of coffee in each mug with sugar.
-When the water is boiling, pour into the mug and add milk.

Indians drink coffee right before going to bed, but only when they have guests over, I wonder why??

This is the usual scenario.
Its usually 3am, everyone's sitting in the lounge including the guests chatting about shit. Everyone wants to go to sleep but no one's going to make the first move. Obviously because you have guests you have to serve food and drink at least every hour. So being so late the mother of the house offers everyone coffee. Everyone says no, but she goes and makes it anyway. How do you make Indian coffee:-
-Water??.....what water??? there is no water in Indian coffee
-Pour milk, enough for all guests into saucepan.
-Put saucepan on the cooker and make sure gas is at maximum
-If there are 5 people to serve put half teaspoon of coffee in milk.
-If there are 10 people to serve put half teaspoon of coffee in milk.
-If there are 20 people to serve put half teaspoon of coffee in milk.
-Add sugar.
-Bring milk to boil, when it boils turn gas low and let it simmer for 10 minutes and then bring to boil again
-Serve to guests.
By the time the coffee is cold enough for them to drink, it will be 5am.

Sunday Lunch???

English like to sleep in Sunday mornings, so they don't have breakfast but usually have a large lunch. The Sunday Roast they call it. Big heavy meal that makes them tired and fall asleep in the afternoon again.
Indians since coming to this country have followed suite and come up with their own equivalent - ALLOO DEH PAROTHEY. Yes.....every Sunday the mother will cook ALLOO DEH PAROTHEY. The whole house is full of a mist (the smoke from cooking) and the distinct smell of ALLOO DEH PAROTHEY is sure to wake the men up as the smoke reaches their bedrooms.

Fish & Chips???

The English are well know for their fish and chips. If there is nothing else to eat then there is always fish and chips.
Indians felt that they needed something that would be common to them like fish and chips were to the English. After much thought that common food was - ALLOO DEH PAROTHEY. Yes.....not only could we eat them on Sunday but we could have them on any other day of the week too.

Cooking???

-English work out how many people there are for dinner and then cook for that many people each day.
-Indians work out how many people there are for dinner and then MULTIPLY by 7 to cook to feed that many people for the week. You ever wondered why they have such big freezers??

Furniture???

English have 1 sofa set in their lounge, 1 table and 1 bed in each bedroom.
Indians???......go to an Indian house and you'll think you've walked into some bleedin furniture store. The typical lounge has at least 2 sofa sets, all multicoloured and covered in plastic. Any gaps are filled with stools and chairs. You'll have at least 2 coffee tables and the walls are covered with family portraits. Go up to the bedrooms and you'll find at least 2 double beds in each room and king size at that. I'm sure if you look in some corner you'll find a mattress or two. (All to accommodate the GUESTS they say.)
Look on top of the wardrobes and you'll find a pile of suitcases stacked to the ceiling, just don't look inside the wardrobe.
Have you ever seen a Indian garage? Its supposed to be used to park their cars. What do Indians use it for???.....to store all their junk that's what. They think it will come in handy one day.....maybe when their kids get married.

Family???

An English man's immediate family is his mother, his father, his brother, his sister, his sons and daughters.

An Indian man's immediate family is his mother, his father, his brother, his sister, his sons and daughters, his Taya-Ji, Phuffar-ji, his Mammi's Bhuwa's Massis's Chacha's sons, his Paindoo's from India that his never met before, and every Indian is his Uncle-ji, Aunty-ji, Pah-ji or Phen-ji.


Sukhdev Singh